Friday, May 30, 2014
[Flash Fic] The Rooms of Ruin Where the Spiders Spun and the Control Panels Were Going Dark, One By One. (less than 100 words)
Nobody saw it coming. Not even the spiders who were now crawling about the control panels. The humming, murmuring, and buzzing finally started to relieve themselves like a television dying out, reaching it's zenith in the center of the screen, then dissolving. The only thing alive now apart from the insects and the moss, was the tiny intercom. Just before the final rusted cell battery gave way, the low mum of a message had repeated over and over into the stillness: "Mission Control, this is the International Space System. Please. Someone please pick up."
(94 words, about 15mins b.e / 27mins a.e.)
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Retell the Most Recent Joke You've Heard as a Short Piece of Fiction (for my kid, who loves telling this joke)
Sarah had heard a knock on her door. This was her first night living in the city one thousand miles away from her hometown, and she was getting a little jumpy. The door kept knocking, it was 2pm so she thought it must be her new roommate She peeped thought the eyehole.
No one was there.
"Hello? Who's there?" Sarah called.
Nobody answered.
"Who's there?"
Again, silence.
Sarah opened the door a crack, then a crack more.
in the middle of the hallway, she found a banana.
She peek out, turned her head left, then right. There was nobody in the hall. "This mush be some type of hazing trick." She thought to herself. Sarah grabbed the banana off the hallway floor and went inside, locking the door behind her.
2 hours later, as she was unpacking her kitchen and getting ready to order dinner, she heard another knock on her door. "COMING!" She yelled as she strode toward the door, her cat following in her wake.
The knocks sounded closer together.
"WHO'S THERE? ASHLEY? IS THAT YOU?' Sarah called while getting into tiptoe position in an attempt to peep through the eyehole once more.
There was nobody there.
Sarah opened the door, and - sitting on her welcome mat- was another banana.
"OKAY GUYS, I GET IT. VERY FUNNY!!!" she yelled while entering the dead silent hallway. She opened her ears and listened hard for any signs of life. All she got was silence in return.
She turned to her cat: "It's really quiet for a Saturday afternoon." while picking up the banana. Sarah walked inside, locking the door behind her.
No one was there.
"Hello? Who's there?" Sarah called.
Nobody answered.
"Who's there?"
Again, silence.
Sarah opened the door a crack, then a crack more.
in the middle of the hallway, she found a banana.
She peek out, turned her head left, then right. There was nobody in the hall. "This mush be some type of hazing trick." She thought to herself. Sarah grabbed the banana off the hallway floor and went inside, locking the door behind her.
2 hours later, as she was unpacking her kitchen and getting ready to order dinner, she heard another knock on her door. "COMING!" She yelled as she strode toward the door, her cat following in her wake.
The knocks sounded closer together.
"WHO'S THERE? ASHLEY? IS THAT YOU?' Sarah called while getting into tiptoe position in an attempt to peep through the eyehole once more.
There was nobody there.
Sarah opened the door, and - sitting on her welcome mat- was another banana.
"OKAY GUYS, I GET IT. VERY FUNNY!!!" she yelled while entering the dead silent hallway. She opened her ears and listened hard for any signs of life. All she got was silence in return.
She turned to her cat: "It's really quiet for a Saturday afternoon." while picking up the banana. Sarah walked inside, locking the door behind her.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Write a Love Letter to Someone You Dislike
Dearest talkative, biggoted, agressive, internet blind date I had 4 years ago.
You sir, were something else.
My Valentine's date with you was more than wonderful. I throughly enjoyed you blaring your horn at me while I was still inside my apartment. It's nice to know when a guy can announce himself in a professional manner. Also you are SO considerate by parking right up to the massive snowbank and making me trundle over it in high heels so I could get into your potent, sour milk aromatic car. I can tell that you good sir, like your women with frostbite.
It was refreshing to sit in your car after you screamed at the hostess in the local Olive Garden about having to wait 45 minutes for a table because it was Valentine's Day and you didn't think it was right to call for reservations on the busiest holiday restaurants will ever see. And punching a hole in the wall before you were escorted out? Such class!
After scoffing at my idea to go see a movie, you insisted that I pay for both our tickets since, obviously, it was my idea and hey, you're the one who asked ME on a date. So why not? I also enjoyed how huffy you got when I picked out the movie after you told me explicitly that you didn't care anymore. SWOON!
But my absolute favorite thing about you? The fact that you had incessantly talk throughout the entire movie. Talking endlessly about how smart you were because you're a biochemist and went to Dartmouth, how you believe that people who are facing poverty should really just kill themselves for the sake of humanity. The real kicker was your viewpoints for eugenics for Afrocentric and Jewish persons. It's like you only had ears for yourself! I especially found you irresistible when you started belittling me when I used a "big word" like enigma. You even had the wherewithal to ask me what it meant, and when I responded with "it's a mystery" you immediately quipped back with furrowed brow "If you don't know what a word means, don't use it."
God, you were so right! I. Also. Enjoy this thing called a dictionary too!
I can honestly say the most fascinating part of our date together is when we went through the McDonald's drive thru and only ordered for yourself, letting me know that you did not like fat chicks. You did, however didn't believe me when I told you I was a vegetarian because, and I quote "You look good, but you're not THAT thin. And you're kidding yourself if you think you could lose more weight." All while stuffing your face with chemically processed "meat" and fat via a Big Mac and telling me I should eat "real food". It's nice to know how excited you are about my lifestyle choices, darling.
I was sad to see you pull up to my apartment, and let me hit your car door with the 5 foot snowbank that you believed I had to climb over. (Because you care so much about my fat, lying about being vegetarian ass to actually force me to lose weight.) You also added that it was way too icy to help me walk to my door and that I could take care of myself. You were absolutely right about that too! You are so smart and chivalrous! And when I decided not to kiss you (and believe me, that was the easiest hardest choice I had to make the entire night.) You were incredibly passionate and tactful by calling me a "hippie lesbian" then driving off into the night.
I was also wrong by pelting your car's interior and you with ice slushballs while you were peeling out. WHAT WAS I THINKING?! I wanted to apologize for my behavior that evening, You were right about everything. I have since changed my ways and took your advice and decided to go full lesbian. Thank you for showing the err of my ways. I hope you decide to chop your dick off (since it's the only way you can be a man) and decide to go forth with your stance on eugenics.
Love,
Kelso.
(PS - Brad, if you're reading this. You are an inconsiderate ass-hat and this is what you did wrong.)
You sir, were something else.
My Valentine's date with you was more than wonderful. I throughly enjoyed you blaring your horn at me while I was still inside my apartment. It's nice to know when a guy can announce himself in a professional manner. Also you are SO considerate by parking right up to the massive snowbank and making me trundle over it in high heels so I could get into your potent, sour milk aromatic car. I can tell that you good sir, like your women with frostbite.
It was refreshing to sit in your car after you screamed at the hostess in the local Olive Garden about having to wait 45 minutes for a table because it was Valentine's Day and you didn't think it was right to call for reservations on the busiest holiday restaurants will ever see. And punching a hole in the wall before you were escorted out? Such class!
After scoffing at my idea to go see a movie, you insisted that I pay for both our tickets since, obviously, it was my idea and hey, you're the one who asked ME on a date. So why not? I also enjoyed how huffy you got when I picked out the movie after you told me explicitly that you didn't care anymore. SWOON!
But my absolute favorite thing about you? The fact that you had incessantly talk throughout the entire movie. Talking endlessly about how smart you were because you're a biochemist and went to Dartmouth, how you believe that people who are facing poverty should really just kill themselves for the sake of humanity. The real kicker was your viewpoints for eugenics for Afrocentric and Jewish persons. It's like you only had ears for yourself! I especially found you irresistible when you started belittling me when I used a "big word" like enigma. You even had the wherewithal to ask me what it meant, and when I responded with "it's a mystery" you immediately quipped back with furrowed brow "If you don't know what a word means, don't use it."
God, you were so right! I. Also. Enjoy this thing called a dictionary too!
I can honestly say the most fascinating part of our date together is when we went through the McDonald's drive thru and only ordered for yourself, letting me know that you did not like fat chicks. You did, however didn't believe me when I told you I was a vegetarian because, and I quote "You look good, but you're not THAT thin. And you're kidding yourself if you think you could lose more weight." All while stuffing your face with chemically processed "meat" and fat via a Big Mac and telling me I should eat "real food". It's nice to know how excited you are about my lifestyle choices, darling.
I was sad to see you pull up to my apartment, and let me hit your car door with the 5 foot snowbank that you believed I had to climb over. (Because you care so much about my fat, lying about being vegetarian ass to actually force me to lose weight.) You also added that it was way too icy to help me walk to my door and that I could take care of myself. You were absolutely right about that too! You are so smart and chivalrous! And when I decided not to kiss you (and believe me, that was the easiest hardest choice I had to make the entire night.) You were incredibly passionate and tactful by calling me a "hippie lesbian" then driving off into the night.
I was also wrong by pelting your car's interior and you with ice slushballs while you were peeling out. WHAT WAS I THINKING?! I wanted to apologize for my behavior that evening, You were right about everything. I have since changed my ways and took your advice and decided to go full lesbian. Thank you for showing the err of my ways. I hope you decide to chop your dick off (since it's the only way you can be a man) and decide to go forth with your stance on eugenics.
Love,
Kelso.
(PS - Brad, if you're reading this. You are an inconsiderate ass-hat and this is what you did wrong.)
Write About an Arrival that Caught You or Your Character Completely Unaware.
God had showed up at the front door today.
There was the sound of glass breaking, and the apartment door being jimmied open. God was tall and thin, he must have been no older than myself, but his bony frame, pot-marked complexion and bloodshot eyes told me he had lived a million lives. God skittered like a rat in a maze, I could hear him tearing through the living room looking for the same thing that I was looking for: To Abscond.
I know what you're thinking, "Oh geeze, another one of those stupid 'miracle' stories that saves the main character from certain death." But I promise you, it's not that kind of story.
I think we both were caught off guard of each other when he spotted me atop the kitchen table with the rope around my neck. Yes, I was going to hang myself in the kitchen. I am a failure at life, I had lost the 8th grade soccer match that day, and my parents had finally finalized the divorce and my mother had moved us three-thousand miles away from Sweden, leaving me alone most of my day while she went out and worked 2 jobs to keep the lights on. That classic American Hustle. Like anybody would care if another youth were to die in today's society, it happens here so often that they stopped showing it on the news. Because why bring anyone down during this American Turkey Day? I am a failure of the American Dream, and a failure to my country.
He kept staring at me, taking in my sobbing, tear stained face. I was trying to explain myself in broken Swedish to a strung out Hispanic teenager. I was getting no where. Thus the story of my life, you try and try to be heard but nobody ever listens. He came towards me, watching me cower. But at that moment, I knew we had an understanding....
There was the sound of glass breaking, and the apartment door being jimmied open. God was tall and thin, he must have been no older than myself, but his bony frame, pot-marked complexion and bloodshot eyes told me he had lived a million lives. God skittered like a rat in a maze, I could hear him tearing through the living room looking for the same thing that I was looking for: To Abscond.
I know what you're thinking, "Oh geeze, another one of those stupid 'miracle' stories that saves the main character from certain death." But I promise you, it's not that kind of story.
I think we both were caught off guard of each other when he spotted me atop the kitchen table with the rope around my neck. Yes, I was going to hang myself in the kitchen. I am a failure at life, I had lost the 8th grade soccer match that day, and my parents had finally finalized the divorce and my mother had moved us three-thousand miles away from Sweden, leaving me alone most of my day while she went out and worked 2 jobs to keep the lights on. That classic American Hustle. Like anybody would care if another youth were to die in today's society, it happens here so often that they stopped showing it on the news. Because why bring anyone down during this American Turkey Day? I am a failure of the American Dream, and a failure to my country.
He kept staring at me, taking in my sobbing, tear stained face. I was trying to explain myself in broken Swedish to a strung out Hispanic teenager. I was getting no where. Thus the story of my life, you try and try to be heard but nobody ever listens. He came towards me, watching me cower. But at that moment, I knew we had an understanding....
[FF] [200 Words or Less] First Sentence: "well that wasn't my brightest moment"
Well, that wasn't my brightest moment.
It's hard to control impulse, and I didn't know what happened before the impact. The brief connection to soft tissue and wet, warm blood. All I remember is my wife taking my child to the ER. And me being placed into the back of that cop car.
Write a Story that Ends With the Line "And This is the Room Where it Happened,"
She was never going to give it back. It was gone forever. Sarah deserved it however, ever since she picked that fight with her last week about who was going to go as Ariel and who was going to go as Sleeping Beauty. They both wanted to be Sleeping Beauty but there was only one costume in the entire in the tri-town area (or it was so assumed, since their mother didn't really bother with urgent matters such as Halloween costumes).
As far as she was concerned, she should have gone as Sleeping Beauty, since she was younger than Sarah by a whole 14 minutes, AND she still had her white-blonde hair. Unlike Sarah, whose hair looked as if she ran a shit-smeared comb through it. She remembered the fight that broke out in Marshalls, how her mother grounded her for scratching Sarah's face. But, of course, Sarah didn't get grounded, even though she TOTALLY yanked MY hair. She was always the favorite, of course, always striving for mommy's love. But nothing can be perfect forever, oh no. Even if we did make up in time for us to go to the Halloween dance, it was only a clever ruse in order to get un-grounded.
This was payback time.
I attempted to flush the stuff, but unfortunately, when you're trying to rid the place of biological evidence, the best way to go about it (or so I've read) is to burn it.
Little did my true-crime novellas failed to mention, is how horrible the smell is.
Needless to say, I set off the smoke alarm. Waking my mother from her Valium-induced slumber, her blood curdling scream woke up the entire neighborhood....
As far as she was concerned, she should have gone as Sleeping Beauty, since she was younger than Sarah by a whole 14 minutes, AND she still had her white-blonde hair. Unlike Sarah, whose hair looked as if she ran a shit-smeared comb through it. She remembered the fight that broke out in Marshalls, how her mother grounded her for scratching Sarah's face. But, of course, Sarah didn't get grounded, even though she TOTALLY yanked MY hair. She was always the favorite, of course, always striving for mommy's love. But nothing can be perfect forever, oh no. Even if we did make up in time for us to go to the Halloween dance, it was only a clever ruse in order to get un-grounded.
This was payback time.
I attempted to flush the stuff, but unfortunately, when you're trying to rid the place of biological evidence, the best way to go about it (or so I've read) is to burn it.
Little did my true-crime novellas failed to mention, is how horrible the smell is.
Needless to say, I set off the smoke alarm. Waking my mother from her Valium-induced slumber, her blood curdling scream woke up the entire neighborhood....
Describe the Perfect Roommate
I hated all my former roommates except this previous one. He answered my post on craigslist and we spoke only briefly via emails. He had moved in over a long weekend when I was away on a trip. He was the perfect roommate, never was noisy, always cleaned up after himself, always did his own laundry and seemed very friendly from the 2 email interactions we had after he moved in.
I never really see them but the $600 rent money is always deposited under my door on the first of every month, and their exact half of the utilities are in the same plain envelope on the 15th of the month. Their room is next to mine and I hear them every now and then playing on the computer, playing the piano, or watching a movie. I will try to use the bathroom only to find out that the door is locked. I assume we work different hours since I only ever hear their footsteps at night. One night in particular, I couldn't sleep, I heard the door open and I was curious to know who my roommate was. I went to knock on their door, no answer So I opened the door to...an empty room.
It was then that I realized I was completely alone.
I never really see them but the $600 rent money is always deposited under my door on the first of every month, and their exact half of the utilities are in the same plain envelope on the 15th of the month. Their room is next to mine and I hear them every now and then playing on the computer, playing the piano, or watching a movie. I will try to use the bathroom only to find out that the door is locked. I assume we work different hours since I only ever hear their footsteps at night. One night in particular, I couldn't sleep, I heard the door open and I was curious to know who my roommate was. I went to knock on their door, no answer So I opened the door to...an empty room.
It was then that I realized I was completely alone.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)