Saturday, May 10, 2014

You Know When it Comes to a Decision Between the Job that Pays Well and the Job that's Fun? He Made a Colossal Mistake of Picking The Fun Job...

We all thought Nick would get some exceptional poon points with the cute veterinary technician, but working as a trainer at the New England Aquarium had it's major drawbacks.

At first, the director was impressed with the supposed extensive marine biology degree he received at the prestigious :"U.R. Bullshittingme Academy" that he gave Nick the precarious and important task of cleaning the penguin shit off the rocks in the famous penguin tank. After Nick was done, he tried to release them back into the other half of the habitat while explaining to the cute Vet Tech how much he could bench press. This is when his mouth got the best of his brain and decided to have the penguins swim loose with the rest of the fish. What Nick had failed to note, however, was the amount of exotic fish 15 penguins can consume within a 20 minute span.
After this faux pas, the aquarium director decided he was better off assisting in training the manatees in the Water Mammal Exhibit. However, after Nick taught a class of 3rd graders a colorful mix of swear words when a giant manatee came to rest on his foot, which in turn caused him to lose his balance and tumble head first into the pool; making him part of the show. They decided it was best to let him go home for personal leave that day.

Several complaints to the Aquarium Board Members, the director decided to give him one more chance at a job he knew Nick would be able to do: Train turtles. When three days went by without a complaint, both the board and the director thought they found a good match. Until tragedy struck.
The Aquarium's main attraction; a 105 year old great snapback turtle named "Big Bertha" was found terrorizing the streets in the Historic North End before escaping to Long Wharf Avenue and into the North Atlantic Ocean. They decided it was best to let him go. His last words were allegedly: "Fuck pruny hands, I'm out!"

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